I was told today that notes are childish.

First things first, my iTunes is on a slow jams shuffle, so I'm gonna randomly list off of every song that comes on. Just so yal know exactly how my setting is right now.

(First song: Robin Thicke- I need love)

Do u ever just have things on your mind that you wish you could share with someone, but nobody is there?

Well that's kinda how I am right now.
Its about 3 am, and I kinda just want to talk to someone that I know will hear me completely and just let me vent and be right, even when I'm wrong... and then correct me later lol.

So for now, you guys are my "boyfriend" lol.

The whole relationship thing is weird for me right now. On one side, I want that person that I don't have to explain myself to because they already KNOW me, and how I am.
But then, I also want to be single and just do my own thing for a sec.
But what's better for me??

I mean, it's nice getting to know new people and date and all, but nothing compares to just having someone that GETS you already. You don't have to add all the background details, you just lay it on the line and know that your message will be received just the way you sent it.

You can have a bad day and know there's somewhere you can go and not be judged.
That feeling of comfort is priceless.

(Sade- Cherish the day.)

I think I get frustrated when I expect certain actions or responses from people, then it doesn't happen like I imagined it. Thats like the ultimate let down.

At this point in my life, I'm so over all the games that people will try to play. That ish is pointless.

I refuse to be anything less than "The star of the story."

(Do or Die- Fantasy.)

Sometimes I notice that guys I'm talking to will talk real heavy about other girls in front of me, as if to make me jealous. What?! That kind of stuff does not phase me.

In fact, it only frustrates me, because I feel like that is just another game. If I know you're playing a game, then you aren't playing it right. :/

(Cassie- Can't do it without you)

But back to the point: relationships vs. single life.
Hmm..I honestly just wish I knew what was in store for me.
At this point in my life, I refuse to waste my time on anyone.

I feel like everyone in my life teaches me something that I am supposed to take with me and use until I find that person that I am going to stay with forever. The tricky thing is, you have no idea what someone really has taught you until you're on to the next person...until then you just kinda assume.

(Mint Condition- Send me swangin)

Yal...please allow me to vent! lol I'm sorry if this isn't something you want to read.

Really though, I want the man that I end up with to always talk to me like I am his equal. Belittling me in any way is not going to cut it. Period.

Why would I want to confide in you if I know you are going to get judgmental or act like I am less than a grown woman. Come on now.

(Usher-Can u handle it)

Hmm..this song just makes me think that sex complicates things. lol.

(Maxwell-Whenever wherever whatever)

I want my man to know that something is wrong without having to ask me a single question. I want that kind of a connection. I want my man to look at me and see my soul.

(Usher- Superstar)

Clearly this is an interesting night for me lol. I just have a lot on my mind: Lots of random thoughts, as you all can see.

If you have any feedback like if you think am I being unrealistic or tripping, or if you have stuff like this going on in your life(or not lol), leave a comment. :)

(Damien Marley- There for you)

P.S. I feel like these are the kind of nights where you learn a lot about yourself.

P.P.S. Dont ever call me childish lol.



  1. This is Ms.Johnson :) I'm not signed in to my blog so I don't if shows who is writing this but Les I totally feel you. Yes, I'm in a relationship and have been for 7 years BUT in my thinking I still want to make sure that everything is what it is and should be....that everything I need and want in this guy (which so far is there) will continue to be there (despite the little annoyances that I have with him). Whatever that "great" man is, I just hope it's him...and I get frustrated thinking the same random thoughts you do just a little bit more altered towards my S.O. specifically. Anyways, I understand where you're coming from.

    I say do you until you know that "just" doing you can no longer be done anymore b/c that "guy" makes you wanna do him as well. (Not sexually).

    Love ya-

  2. Yeah, you already know where Im at with this.
    I got fed up with the games this weekend too.
    Im like, this officially is not fun anymore. lol

    But who knows man, I TRY not to worry about stuff like this cause I know that God will send me someone beautiful but Im getting impatient (and you KNOW how long Ive been waiting, Im on some other level waiting ish).
    But I say stop looking, send out positive vibes ("send it out to the universe and let it fly away") and he will be sent to you.

  3. Stacia: I definitely feel what you are saying too. It's just like I can't help but wonder about it all. I want to know that when I'm upset, I have the right to be, and I'm just not tripping. I guess the biggest things to me are just the little things. They really make the biggest difference in potential relationships/break-ups. It's nice to see that even somebody in as an experienced relationship as yours feels me here.

    Jai: WADUUPP! lol jk. Girl I already kno your story. We been chatting it up on this whole spectra of relationship issues and expectations.
    But in your case, I kno u feelin me on the "games" tip. Girl I wanna copy and paste your whole second paragraph right...


    cuz thats exactly what I would have said to u. Dont even worry your pretty little head about it

  4. Yeah I love how were both giving eachother advice that we need to taking ourselves. lol